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This is the Humor section. What, do you need us to list what's here? Well, here you go, then:
- Quotes of the Month
- Scientific Studies
- Unidentified Flying Humor
Quotes of the Month
Humorous quotations from around FRMS.
"We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year!"-one of the Davis Social Studies classes, attempting to sing Christmas carols while the aforementioned teacher was out of the room
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"Stalker!"-Mr. G's eighth period Thursday class, describing the narrator of the song "Is She Really Going Out With Him" by Joe Jackson
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"Bwahahaha! Blowtorches!"-students in Mr. Harriman's Science class, whose enthusiasm for blowtorches lessened when they learned that they had to be used safely
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Scientific Studies
This month's scientific study has led RMS scientists to believe that snow is, in fact, very freakin' cold, a trait which until recently was associated exclusively with items such as the weather, ice, and teachers' hearts.
"We really didn't anticipate coldness of this magnitude" - Owen Versteeg, head researcher
Above: Snow, which may be cold.
"We were struck by how suddenly and quickly our feet and hands got cold when exposed to snow, and decided to investigate," said Dr. Owen Versteeg, chief author of the study. "In addition to the pretty, fluffy, and pure-white qualities of snow, we found that snow also had potential for coldness."
Though Dr. Versteeg was quick to add that more detailed analysis is needed, he said the findings cast some doubt on long-held assumptions on the temperature of snow.
Though Dr. Versteeg was quick to add that more detailed analysis is needed, he said the findings cast some doubt on long-held assumptions on the temperature of snow.
"Contrary to current wisdom, it now seems that, in fact, snow is cold, and very much so," Dr. Versteeg said. "On the radio, there are all too many songs along the lines of "Let it Snow" and "It's a Holly Jolly [Religion Agnostic] Winter Season", and I believe that the general public would be shocked to know that in addition to being highly annoying, these holiday songs are actually calling for cold weather."
Snow has been present in many situations involving low temperatures, and the research group added that it "was only a matter of time before snow was found to be cold."
Said Dr. Versteeg: "Scientists have always taken it for granted that it was cold during winter months, but it was not until this shocking study that snow and coldness were found to be linked."
Some scientists are already speculating about the coldness. Dr. Heimenshnitzel, a researcher at the Idaho National Laboratory, speculated that "[the coldness] may be the result of many things, ranging from the previous theory [that NASA was taking all the heat for rocket fuel] to the now-popular theory that snow is, in fact, really freakin' cold."
Other researchers doubted the validity of the experiment. Said Dr. Hugh Jeego, the head researcher at the French National Laboratory, "If this were true, then why wouldn't I have discovered it, rather than some amateurs in, of all places, New Hampshire? Come on." Other scientists echoed his thoughts, such as Dr. Smith at the Institute for Sciencey Things in Munich, with his claim that the theory "had no basis. How the [censored] can you test the temperature of snow? Eat it?"
Dr. Versteeg responded that the group used a standard thermometer, to which Dr. Smith responded "You don't even have [censored] schnitzel in America! How can they do research without schnitzel? I'll tell you: they can't. The whole thing's a [censored] fraud. I [censored] dare you. I'll tell you what: Take a [censored] thermometer and some [censored] snow and go [censored] measure it yourself..."
Other respondents were less agitated by the matter, such as Dr. Hakuaa'alaaa of the Institute for General Research Center in Hawaii, who confirmed that "[this study] has absolutely no implications for me, seeing as our total snowfall for the past 5 trillion years consisted of one confused-looking snowflake that was wondering where the [censored] Utah was." He went on to suggest that snow was "for losers".
The research group involved in the study said that the results of its' next work is "almost guaranteed" to be as groundbreaking as their revolutionary research on the coldness of snow.
Snow has been present in many situations involving low temperatures, and the research group added that it "was only a matter of time before snow was found to be cold."
Said Dr. Versteeg: "Scientists have always taken it for granted that it was cold during winter months, but it was not until this shocking study that snow and coldness were found to be linked."
Some scientists are already speculating about the coldness. Dr. Heimenshnitzel, a researcher at the Idaho National Laboratory, speculated that "[the coldness] may be the result of many things, ranging from the previous theory [that NASA was taking all the heat for rocket fuel] to the now-popular theory that snow is, in fact, really freakin' cold."
Other researchers doubted the validity of the experiment. Said Dr. Hugh Jeego, the head researcher at the French National Laboratory, "If this were true, then why wouldn't I have discovered it, rather than some amateurs in, of all places, New Hampshire? Come on." Other scientists echoed his thoughts, such as Dr. Smith at the Institute for Sciencey Things in Munich, with his claim that the theory "had no basis. How the [censored] can you test the temperature of snow? Eat it?"
Dr. Versteeg responded that the group used a standard thermometer, to which Dr. Smith responded "You don't even have [censored] schnitzel in America! How can they do research without schnitzel? I'll tell you: they can't. The whole thing's a [censored] fraud. I [censored] dare you. I'll tell you what: Take a [censored] thermometer and some [censored] snow and go [censored] measure it yourself..."
Other respondents were less agitated by the matter, such as Dr. Hakuaa'alaaa of the Institute for General Research Center in Hawaii, who confirmed that "[this study] has absolutely no implications for me, seeing as our total snowfall for the past 5 trillion years consisted of one confused-looking snowflake that was wondering where the [censored] Utah was." He went on to suggest that snow was "for losers".
The research group involved in the study said that the results of its' next work is "almost guaranteed" to be as groundbreaking as their revolutionary research on the coldness of snow.
Unidentified Flying Humor: Maine tourists more positive about themselves than visitors to other states
New Hampshire Mom is making $89 an hour working from home
CONCORD, NH- New Hampshire mother of three Jennifer Johnson has discovered the secret of using the internet to make money. As excited crowds gathered outside her Concord home, she spoke to reporters in her living room. “The internet has provided me and my family with all our needs!” Johnson stated. In the lawn of her house Johnson explained that this amazing discovery all started with finding her credit score. “This changed by life! I was thrilled to discover the secret to white teeth last July! It changed the lives of both myself and internet users everywhere!” she said. But it was in September 2010 that she made her most famous discovery: how to cut down belly fat with one weird old tip.
“Internet users everywhere can thank me for whitening their teeth, cutting down their belly fat, and figuring out their credit score! And now, they could make $89 an hour working from home! The internet has saved us all!”
Apparently, Johnson is making more than everyone else in her family, and has started an internet campaign to let the world know that a mother of three is making $89 an hour near them. “I think it’s important to share the benefits of work online with everyone. This could possibly save the careers of many people. And it’s so easy too! All you need to do is download a free package to start making money with the internet!”
Thousands erupted in wild cheers and fireworks burst over New Hampshire’s capital city as Jennifer Johnson finished her speech with immortal and inspiring words that will continue to be remembered for all posterity.
“And now… I am ready to tell you about how you could save up to 98% with this simple trick your auto insurance agency doesn’t want you to know! You may be paying too much for auto insurance!”
CONCORD, NH- New Hampshire mother of three Jennifer Johnson has discovered the secret of using the internet to make money. As excited crowds gathered outside her Concord home, she spoke to reporters in her living room. “The internet has provided me and my family with all our needs!” Johnson stated. In the lawn of her house Johnson explained that this amazing discovery all started with finding her credit score. “This changed by life! I was thrilled to discover the secret to white teeth last July! It changed the lives of both myself and internet users everywhere!” she said. But it was in September 2010 that she made her most famous discovery: how to cut down belly fat with one weird old tip.
“Internet users everywhere can thank me for whitening their teeth, cutting down their belly fat, and figuring out their credit score! And now, they could make $89 an hour working from home! The internet has saved us all!”
Apparently, Johnson is making more than everyone else in her family, and has started an internet campaign to let the world know that a mother of three is making $89 an hour near them. “I think it’s important to share the benefits of work online with everyone. This could possibly save the careers of many people. And it’s so easy too! All you need to do is download a free package to start making money with the internet!”
Thousands erupted in wild cheers and fireworks burst over New Hampshire’s capital city as Jennifer Johnson finished her speech with immortal and inspiring words that will continue to be remembered for all posterity.
“And now… I am ready to tell you about how you could save up to 98% with this simple trick your auto insurance agency doesn’t want you to know! You may be paying too much for auto insurance!”